2003 Ford Ranger. 15k original miles; 140k arguably derivative miles. Five-speed manual (featuring 127 easy-to-read pages). Never hit by two deer at once. Never driven over 85 mph on level ground. Never rolled into a cornfield in Iowa. Never used in a bank robbery in Wisconsin. May have transported Asiago, Parmesan and aged cheddar cheese across the Missouri-Illinois border (if so, they were delicious). Never driven into a ditch by a three-year old neighbor kid in search of the ice cream his mom said would have to wait. Easily turns left. Never parked in a dark garage with monsters in the corner but only if you looked straight at them so you never looked at the corners. Never driven by either deer because deer can’t drive–especially those two. Never pushed out of the garage by deer or monsters. Never used by the film industry, traffic cam footage to the contrary. Includes snow tires, but I’m keeping the front skis. Original spare tire, somewhere. All fingerprints removed. Best offer that doesn’t involve an offshore bank. Contact by whistling any song from the musical Oklahoma. If I’m outside your kitchen window, I’ll respond by guessing your weight.